Just a small town girl

I just finished listening to Landslide by Stevie Nicks and the song pretty much depicts what I feel right now.

I have been told several times by several people that I talk and act like I come from an older generation. When people ask me how old I am, they give me expressions such as “talaga?” or “mukha ka ng dalagang dalaga!”. It gets annoying sometimes but it’s alright. :) Anyway, what I’m really trying to say is that: I AM TURNING 18 THIS YEAR AND I DON’T THINK I’M READY.

I have always wanted to become an adult. Growing up, I never really enjoyed kiddie shows. I remember watching teen shows when I was only 7 years old. I always wanted to hang out with my older cousins but my mom never allowed me. Don’t get me wrong, I have enjoyed my childhood. I played Filipino games with our neighbors outside our house, cried my heart out to force my parents to buy me toys and went crazy when I first played under the rain. But for some reason, I’ve always had this desire of pressing the fast forward button and just proceed to my adult life. I WAS ALWAYS IN THE RUSH TO GROW UP. I know, I know. My story sounds just like the movie 13 Going On 30. I could relate to that movie, alright =))) The first time I saw it I could’ve sworn that the movie was made for me and that Jenna Rink was actually me :)) But here’s the thing, being a kid is so much fun. And now that I am to become an adult in a few months, I get this feeling of wanting to go back in time and just be a kid… forever. I have dreamed of my day of legality for years. But just like in the movie 13 Going On 30, when you’re actually there, you just feel like going back.

Not that I regret anything. It’s just that… it’s crazy. I know I’m being so malabo right now but I just feel like turning 18 entails more. MORE PRESSURE, MORE PROBLEMS, MORE RESPONSIBILITIES… just more. It scares me. I’m still a baby. A lot of people think I’m so mature but they don’t see the way I am at home. When I wake up, I go downstairs and look for my mom and hug her. She would say “Good morning, baby” and I would hug her even tightly. And whenever I wake up and she’s nowhere to be found at home, I stomp my feet like a little girl who didn’t get the toy she wanted. I would wait for my mom to get back. Every night, I barge in the master’s bedroom and lay in between my parents and we would exchange stories. I would always tell my folks that I will be successful and I will find myself a good man. Before I leave their room, I would hug and kiss them both good night. My dad would always say “I love you, anak. Mahal na mahal kita” while my mom would say “Good night. I love you.” See? I am still a baby! But turning 18 somehow makes me feel old. 

I am getting older. Ready or not, I will turn a year older. I will become an adult. And there’s absolutely nothing I can do to stop time. Yes, I am scared. I am 101% scared of what’s yet to come. And I don’t know whether or not I am capable of handling things well. I DON’T KNOW. I am not sure of anything right now… wait, except for one thing. I am sure that my family will always have my back. :) But then again, I am to become an adult. There are things that I should do alone. Hay kaloka this.

Anyway, here’s the lyrics of Landslide. It’s a really good song. I have highlighted the ones that explain what I feel at this exact moment.

I took my love and I took it down
I climbed a mountain and I turned around
And I saw my reflection in the snow covered hills
‘Till the landslide brought me down

Oh mirror in the sky, what is love?
Can the child within my heart rise above?
Can I sail through the changing ocean tides
Can I handle the seasons of my life?
Mmm mmm I don’t know 
Mmm mmm Mmm mmm 

Well I’ve been afraid of changing ‘cause I 
Built my life around you.
But time makes you bolder
Children get older and I’m getting older too

So…(Interlude)

I’ve been afraid of changing ‘cause I
I built my life around you
But time makes you bolder, even children get older
and I’m getting older too 
I’m getting older too
So, take this love, take it down.
Oh, if you climb a mountain and you turn around
If you see my reflection in the snow covered hills
Well the landslide will bring it down, down
And if you see my reflection in the snow covered hills,
Well maybe, the landslide ‘ill bring it down.
Well, well the landslide with bring it down.

Lyrics from: http://www.sing365.com/music/lyric.nsf/Landslide-lyrics-Stevie-Nicks/F7006D52627CC3C248256B800012B852

Another year is nearing its end. Honestly I didn’t think today was the last Friday of the year until a few hours ago when my dad said tomorrow was going to be the last day of 2011. I thought it was only another ordinary day. Had I known it would be the last Friday of the year I would’ve made crazy stuff like create a to-do list for 2012 or spend the entire night in a coffee shop reading The Son of Neptune. OH WELL.

Earlier this day, I, with some high school friends, went out for lunch to celebrate Kevin’s birthday. His birthday was originally yesterday, Dec. 29, but he celebrated it with friends on the 30th because he and his family went somewhere yesterday. After eating lunch, we went to SM hoping that we catch a good movie but then we remembered the only movies SM Lipa has are the entries for MMFF. Worse? There was no MANILA KINGPIN, the ONLY movie all of us wanted to watch. So we just took a saunter around the mall and spent the remaining hours at the foodcourt, telling stories about whatever it is that we come up with. We parted ways really early since there was really nothing left for us to do and we didn’t bring a lot of money. I decided to have some “alone time” so I went to a coffee shop and read a book. Time flies fast when you’re having fun. Little did I know, I already spent more than 3 hours in Cafe de Lipa. My eyes were already aching a bit so I decided to roam around the mall for a while and, well, window shop. I went to the National Bookstore after feeling really bored. I saw Kate Middleteon’s biography book so I took it and read the first few pages. I went on and on-her life was pretty interesting, mind you-until my dad texted and told me that he was going to fetch me in a few minutes. And that’s how the last Friday of 2011 went for me.

So how was 2011 for me? It was….. fine. I had really great moments and, thank God, a few bad moments. Looking back, I guess 2011 wasn’t such an asshole after all. Well, that is if you compare it to 2009 and 2010. But guess what?

Here’s to all the bitches and bitterness I had in 2011:

And here’s what I hope for in 2012:

LOVE

PEACE

HAPPINESS

I have high hopes for you, 2012. Please don’t fail me. Don’t worry, I’ll make sure I’ll do my part in making your year a year to remember. :)

Oh, before I go… can I just say how much I love love love love love love love my new hairstyle?

hehehehe ;) Advanced happy new year, everyone!